Be of Good Cheer: How to Survive the Holidays

Posted on December 1, 2013 by Mary Martin-Blair

 

Photo by Pimthida

Photo by Pimthida

The holiday season brings hopes and expectations of a happy, warm, loving family experience. From the end of October until the end of December we are immersed in the theme of seasonal joy and family togetherness. Movies, TV shows, and music all act in concert to reinforce this theme.

Chris Ware

Fantasy vs. Reality

With so many messages perpetuating this idealized notion of the holidays, it’s no wonder that many of us find ourselves hoping that those dreams will come true. Childhood fantasies of kind parents and understanding families can be re-awakened, often without our even noticing.

But the reality can be quite different. For example:

  • Your family may remain dysfunctional. Dad is still judgmental and autocratic, mom is still passive aggressive, brother is self centered and sister is checked out.
  • You may be facing the holidays alone: recently separated or divorced, widowed, mourning the death of a parent or a child.
  • Work may have intruded and you are in a foreign city, away from friends and family.
  • You or a family member may be facing the challenge of a chronic or sudden illness

The variations are myriad but they all present a similar challenge: how to best maintain your own emotional well-being during the holiday season.

Three Keys

Like the three wise kings, we can use three keys to insure that we can enjoy a holiday season marked by good cheer.

Calm Codependency. Placing too much focus on another person, or making the other person and their behavior more important to you than yourself, creates codependency. Learning to step back and disengage can be incredibly liberating.

Take time to calm yourself, put your relationships into a more balanced perspective. It’s fine to care about others but you don’t want to cross the line into codependency where their needs and wants take up an inordinate amount of your energy and emotional reserves.

When you give another person the power to define you, then you also give them the power to control you.

Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

Contain Craziness. This is a natural follow up to stepping away from codependency. Here you begin to set healthy emotional and physical boundaries. You don’t let others’ excessive demands violate your own sense of well being.

Give yourself permission to speak up about what you want and need. Don’t agree to a proposition because you’re afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings or are scared of an angry response. Above all don’t be manipulated by guilt.

Guilt: punishing yourself before God doesn’t.

Alan Cohen, Why Your Life Sucks

Continue Communication. Above all, remember to keep your good communication skills intact. Speak about what is problematic as soon as possible in a neutral and balanced fashion. Don’t let resentments build.

This makes for those ugly explosive holidays exchanges wherein everyone comes away feeling battered and bruised emotionally. Instead, commit to open exchanges and mutual understanding. Express yourself clearly and politely. Maintain respect. Use I messages and Active Listening.

Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Buddha

The Gift of Good Cheer

Taking these simple steps can go a long way toward warding off some of the more egregious displays of familial dysfunction. Give yourself the gift of a happy holiday season.

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I have overcome.

John 16:30

Posted in Family, Relationships | 2 Comments

Following Through

Posted on November 1, 2013 by Mary Martin-Blair

 

Isn’t Motivation Enough?

Motivation is defined as the general desire or willingness of someone to do something. How many of us have a stack of books or magazines in our home that we genuinely intend to read? We may have the best intentions, but why haven’t we actually made our way through that stack? The answer to that question lies in a process called follow through.

Writing for the Harvard Business Review, author Peter Bregman described follow through like this: “Motivation is in the mind; follow through is in the practice. Motivation is conceptual; follow-through is practical. In fact, the solution to a motivation problem is the exact opposite of the solution to a follow through problem. The mind is essential to motivation. But with follow through, it’s the mind that gets in the way.”

Steve Levinson’s kindle book Following Through: A Revolutionary New Model for Finishing Whatever You Start is another great resource for gaining a deeper understanding of follow through.

Learn Follow Through

How best to turn motivation into follow through? Here are some ways to begin:

Start Small. Don’t get overwhelmed by the big picture. Instead, focus on the here and now. What matters most is to do something small consistently, so choose goals that are realistic for you.

Example: “I’ll take one book from my stack and set it on the nightstand. Then I can read a page or two each evening before I fall asleep.”

Identify Your Triggers. What triggers the habit you want to change?

Example: “When I stack books, mail, flyers, I no longer see them as individual items to be dealt with; it’s just another heap in my environment to walk around and not knock over.”

The key here is to examine the exact details of why your motivation doesn’t translate into follow through. Once you better understand these mechanisms, you can create positive interventions to achieve different results.

Example: “I will set my unread books on a shelf close to my desk and not on the floor or off in a corner.” Or “I’ll put my gym clothes and shoes in my bag and stow it in my car so I can go right from work to the gym.”

There’s An App For That. Software tools are a great way to get organized and stay motivated. Use the reminder function on your computer, iPad or smartphone, or purchase a dedicated to-do app. There’s even an app called Lift that was specifically designed to help you build better habits.

lift app_750x419

Be Accountable. Reach out to your support system. Let another person know about your goals. Accountability is the backbone of the immensely helpful 12 Step programs, and it is a powerful tool for change.

Overcome Urges With Affirmations. Urges only last a short time. Affirmations can help you stay on track.

Example: “I feel great when I give myself the time to read my new book.” “I enjoy my time to exercise.” “I am good at follow through.” “I get things done.”

Share Your Progress. Each daily goal you achieve imparts a sense of accomplishment that can fuel that next effort. You can reinforce that feeling by sharing it with others, either in a personal email or a simple online status update. If you prefer face to face sharing, join a class or group, where you can help each other keep focus and get support.

Accept Setbacks Gracefully. If you have a setback, simply recommit and move forward again. Don’t waste time or energy berating yourself. Follow through isn’t about perfection, it’s about continuity.

Give It A Month. Habits don’t change overnight. Give yourself at least one month when trying to develop any new habit. Matt Cutts’ TED talk “Try Something New for 30 Days” has some good tips on this.

Move Towards Mastery

Learning to understand follow through is the key to turning your intentions into real actions. And with it, beginning the exciting journey from motivation into mastery.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

Aristotle

Tai Chi practice

Photo by Ben Kilgust

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Trust and Pixie Dust

Posted on October 1, 2013 by Mary Martin-Blair

All the world is made of faith, trust, and pixie dust.

J.M. Barrie

The Eternal Boy

In the well loved children’s tale Peter Pan, Scottish author J.M. Barrie wrote about the adventures of a never aging, mischievous boy with the ability to fly. From a psychological perspective Peter never completes the task of growing up. He remains a puer aeternus. This is a Latin phrase that means “eternal boy”1.

Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung saw the eternal boy as an archetype: an innate, universal human concept. Jung also drew attention to the fact that, like other archetypes, the eternal boy contains both a positive and a negative aspect.

Barrie’s premise was that to successfully navigate life one needs to integrate these aspects, to keep the openness of youth while also accepting the responsibilities of adulthood. For an adult, to be a Peter Pan — to remain a puer aeternus — is a significant psychological handicap.

Learning to Land

How to enter the adult world with its many challenges? How to release the fantasy world of youth? How do we land?

Undeniably, developing psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually comprises some discomfort, even pain. Just as toddlers beginning to walk fall down and sustain some bumps that are unwelcome, as we move along the path of maturity we can stumble, fall, and endure various bruises.

Some of obstacles that bar our progress include the discomfort of navigating the new and unknown, feeling powerless, needing to control, and a lack of trust and faith. When we encounter these obstacles, it can be helpful to remember that, even as adults, we are moving towards the same goal we pursued as children: to achieve our next level of mastery.

Defenses

Typically, we come to feel powerless when we had early childhood experiences in which we felt unsupported, unseen, not recognized in our entirety, criticized or even, sadly, abused, by our parents. To survive we often have had to make some decisions about how to handle these damaging exchanges. These decisions may be to take control and to forfeit faith and trust.

Choosing control is a way to try to offset the feeling that our needs have been pushed aside, have come after the needs of others, or have been branded as wrong or selfish. The sense of being at risk, to be treated poorly by another person is compensated for by being in control. Being in control means trying to keep things from going wrong again, being hyper vigilant to others to avoid more unfulfilling exchanges. Being in control means hiding and denying our true feelings, using covert means to get what we want from others.

As a result of poor treatment we have lost faith in our care-givers. We no longer believe they have our best interests at heart. We lose our ability to trust. We can’t see the benefit in opening up and being vulnerable with others when our past tells us that people are hurtful and threatening. Consequently we can feel out of touch with others, cut off and dead inside. We say to ourselves, “At least I’m safe. No one can hurt me any more.”

“Boy” by Ron Mueck (Photo by Ann Hung)

“Boy” by Ron Mueck (Photo by Ann Hung)

Insight and Integration

Taking that first step toward self-awareness may be triggered by a failed relationship, the lost of a job, a health crisis, an intervention for an addiction. Whatever the cathartic event is, insight is the beginning of healing.

If we have the courage to look inward we can launch the transformative process of self awareness. Learning to recognize the signs of our controlling behavior (tension, blaming, urgency, lack of feeling), our lack of faith and trust (suspicion, anxiety, worry) becomes our foothold in recovery.

When we are able to step away from our habitual defenses because we can now see them unfolding, rather than having them working 24/7, unheeded, behind the scenes, we have the freedom to chose differently. We can integrate our understanding, accept our wounding, release ourselves from habit and regain our ability to be playful, flexible, spontaneous, joyful and more fully present in our lives.

We can see the truth in Barrie’s words: “All the world is made up of faith, trust and pixie dust.”.

Photo by Brian Wolfe

Photo by Brian Wolfe

1. There is also a female corollary: a puella aeterna. ↩

Further Reading

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Really Listening

Posted on September 1, 2013 by Mary Martin-Blair
Photo via James Vaughan

Photo via James Vaughan

The Gift of Listening

The greatest gift you can give your loved ones is the gift of really listening to them. The return to school, beginning a new job, handling the care for an elderly parent, moving to a new home are all stressful events that can be eased by being able to talk to a supportive person.

Maintaining healthy interpersonal lines of communication in a family, a marriage, or a business partnership also depend on high quality listening. When sharing their concerns in challenging situations, simply the type of listening one receives can make all the difference.

There’s a lot of difference between listening and hearing.

G. K. Chesterton

Life will always bring change. Some change we actively engineer; some comes unbidden. We can best offer comfort and compassion to others as well as receive the same if we take the time to polish up our listening skills.

Hearing Isn’t Listening

Many people confuse hearing with listening. Just hearing the other person’s words doesn’t constitute really listening. So often, in an exchange, we have made up our minds about the issue and are impatiently waiting to wade in with our opinion, advice, direction, judgment or criticism.

In his popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey states: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

We tend to be self referential creatures and without a strong commitment to weaning ourselves from our petty desires and our need to be right, our listening can be shallow at best. It often is done with the barest of attention and hence we frequently miss the speaker’s true message, or we misconstrue it, cobbling together some assemblage of what we thought we heard.

This latter behavior resembles the kindergarten game of ‘telephone’. In this game a message is whispered from one to another around in a circle until the last person speaks the message out loud. This final message is frequently all scrambled and in no way resembles the original whispered message. This can be a source of great fun for children; it isn’t as pleasant for us when we had no intent to play a game.

Learning to Listen

How many times have you said or heard “You’re just not listening” or “You don’t hear me”? In his classic novel Tender is the Night, F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote:

Intermittently she caught the gist of his sentences and supplied the rest from her subconscious, as one picks up the striking of a clock in the middle, with only the rhythm of the first uncounted strokes lingering in the mind.

Breaking free from our own internal preoccupations and honing empathic listening requires a specific set of skills. Many writers, educators, and spiritual teachers have contributed guidelines for improving our ability to listen effectively.

Professor Rex Campbell offered a helpful compilation of these suggestions in his book Leadership: Getting it Done:

  1. Concentration

    Train yourself to concentrate on the speaker; pay attention to the verbal and visual clues from the speaker.

  2. Attention

    This is the visual portion of concentration. We show the speaker we are truly listening through eye contact and our body language.

  3. Understanding of communication symbols

    A good command of the spoken language is essential for effective listening. As a masterful listener you must concentrate on the context of the usage to correctly understand the message.

  4. Objective

    You should be open to the message the other person is sending. Become aware of your own limitations and work with dedication to keep a flexible, open mind.

  5. Restating the message

    Your restating the message as part of your response can enhance the effectiveness of good communication. “I want to make sure that I have fully understood your message…”

  6. Questioning/Clarifying

    Questions can serve the same purpose as restating the message. If you are unclear about the intent of the message, ask for more information.

  7. Empathy, not sympathy

    A good listener is both understanding and sensitive to the other’s feelings and thoughts (empathy). This is different from having the same feelings or becoming like the speaker (sympathy).

  8. Strategic Pauses

    Appropriate use of pauses lets the speaker know you are carefully considering their message.

  9. Don’t Interject

    Cap off the tendency to jump in with your opinion or “isn’t this really what you meant to say?” You will shift the power in the experience, assuming dominance over the speaker. This will derail your efforts to achieve good listening.

  10. Leave the Channel Open

    Always be open to additional messages. This is particularly effective with children. A nod or encouraging smile can help a young speaker continue with their message.

Listen For Life

Taking the time to upgrade your listening skills is a worthwhile endeavor. Research shows we devote more than 75% of our waking hours to some type of communication1. By utilizing the suggestions listed above you can enhance your ability to really hear others and in doing so reap the benefits of deeper understanding, fewer misunderstandings or arguments and enhanced relationships.

We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.

Zeno of Citium



1. University of Missouri Ext, CM150, 10/93 ↩

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Completed, Not Finished

Posted on August 1, 2013 by Mary Martin-Blair

Multitasking Madness

In our increasingly hectic world, remaining fully present to the moment yet open-hearted and flexible in spirit often seems to be a contradictory and unattainable goal.

Our smartphones ping, ring, and chirp. Our computers blink and flash throughout the day and evening. We find ourselves squeezed into public transport or inching our way down a crowded highway to and from work. We coordinate transport for our children to school, sports, or other extracurricular activities. We get up early for workouts at the gym, or to catch up on chores.

When the demands on our time and attention seem unending, there is a strong temptation to try to juggle more than we can handle. While seductive, multitasking is ultimately self-defeating, as numerous new studies have shown that when our focus is fragmented, productivity is actually reduced.

Learning to live our lives with the guiding wisdom of ‘completed, but not finished’ is the natural antidote to daily stress.

Photo by Stefano Corso

Photo by Stefano Corso

Being Present

The first part of the phrase, ‘completed’, means being fully present in the moment.

Over the ages, spiritual teachers have encouraged us to quiet our minds and be in the moment. This is the path to health and well-being. Proverbs 14:30 highlights this: “ A tranquil spirit revives the body…”.

Doing one thing at a time — and learning to give that thing our complete attention — is the key to mental balance.

Mindfulness includes:

Everything changes once we identify with being the witness to the story, instead of the actor in it.

Ram Dass

  • Focusing on one task at a time.
  • Doing that task slowly and with your full attention.
  • Prioritizing your tasks (i.e. letting some go)
  • Create breathing spaces between your tasks (having a break is seen by some nations as a requirement, e.g. the Swedish fika, the British ‘elevenses’).
  • Scheduling in ‘alone’ or ‘me time’ each day.
  • Training your mind to not entertain worries. The past is gone and the future is unknown. The present is now.
Marina Abramovic, The Artist Is Present (2010)

Marina Abramović, “The Artist Is Present” (2010)

Not Finished

Being able to keep both our heart and mind open to the world around us is the natural companion to being present, or complete in the moment. Being ‘finished’ by jumping to conclusions, rejecting out of hand others’ opinions, holding resentments and grudges, carrying prejudices, are all ways we limit ourselves and insure that we have conflict and confusion in our lives.

The only people who see the whole picture are the ones that step out of the frame.

Salman Rushdie, The Ground beneath Her Feet

Developing a silent witness or an observing self allows us to see what we are feeling and thinking. Our goal is to strengthen our capacity of inner reflection and understanding. The knowledge that change is constant encourages us to maintain our spiritual, intellectual, and emotional flexibility.

We can move away from the limitations of our ‘fight or flight’ response to the world around us. We can practice ‘letting go’, being ‘not finished’. We can reclaim our child mind and heart of openness, trust and curiosity.

Photo by Adam Baker

Photo by Adam Baker

Staying Complete But Not Finished

Counteract the endless stress of living in a post-modern world by committing to a practice of mindfulness and self-reflective openness. Be complete in your attention and focus. Cultivate being ‘not finished’. Stay fluid in your assessment and approach.

In the end these things matter the most:

How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?

Buddha



Further Reading

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Discover Your Money Story

Posted on May 1, 2013 by Mary Martin-Blair
Photo by Ken Teegardin, www.SeniorLiving.org

Photo by Ken Teegardin, www.SeniorLiving.org

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen

Tax season is behind us. For many of us April 15th is a tension filled date and it is a relief to be finished with the task of gathering, collating, recording, and preparing our tax returns.

May is an excellent time to build on that relief and explore how we could better deal with our money in the months ahead. For many of us money is a mixed bag. It can be the ‘root of all evil’ or a means to affect change.

Core Beliefs

What do you believe about money? Do you have a hard time creating and sticking to a budget? Did you get a financial plan from an advisor but you haven’t executed it yet? Are you anxious about losing money so haven’t moved your assets from your bank account into an investment account?

Your internal thoughts and feelings about money will determine your financial behavior. We all have received many money messages growing up. Learning more about what we believe about money is an essential first step in becoming more masterful with money.

Photo by peasap

Photo by peasap

What’s Your Money Story?

Here is a simple quiz that will help you better understand your attitudes about money. The quiz is based on the work of Doctors Brad and Ted Klontz. In their book, Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health, they outline four stories people have about money: Money Avoidance, Money Worship, Money Status, and Money Vigilance.

To learn which of these attitudes you hold, score each of the following statements from one to five, with one meaning you strongly disagree, and five meaning you strongly agree.

Money Avoidance

    1. I do not deserve a lot of money when others have less than me.
    2. Rich people are greedy.
    3. It is not okay to have more than you need.
    4. People get rich by taking advantage of others.

Total points for Money Avoidance: ______

Money Worship

    1. More money will make you happier.
    2. You can never have enough money.
    3. Money would solve all my problems.
    4. Money buys freedom.

Total points for Money Worship: ______

Money Status

    1. I will not buy something unless its new (e.g. car, house).
    2. Your self worth equals your net worth.
    3. Poor people are lazy.
    4. If something is not considered the “best”, it is not worth buying.

Total points for Money Status: ______

Money Vigilance

    1. It is important to save for a rainy day.
    2. You should always look for the best deal, even if it takes more time.
    3. If you cannot pay cash for something, you should not buy it.
    4. I would be a nervous wreck if I did not have an emergency fund.

Total points for Money Vigilance: ______

Now use the following key to assess how strongly you hold each of these views about money:

5 – 11 points: You don’t really hold this belief.

12 – 19 points: You hold this belief moderately.

20 – 25 points: You hold this belief strongly.

In which category did you get the most points? The least?

You can read more about each of these views below. Note that these four categories aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, nor are they intended to be comprehensive. They’re merely a good way to begin the process of better understanding your own personal financial beliefs — an exploration we’ll continue in the next post in this series, How To Talk With Your Partner About Money.

Money Avoidance

Money Avoiders believe that money is bad or that they do not deserve it. They believe that wealthy people are greedy and corrupt, and that there is virtue in living with less money. Avoiders may sabotage their financial success or give money away in an unconscious effort to have as little money as possible. Money avoidance is associated with ignoring bank statements, increased risk of overspending, financial enabling, financial dependence, hoarding and having trouble sticking to a budget.

Money Worship

At their core, Money Worshipers are convinced that the key to happiness and the solution to all of their problems is to have more money. At the same time, they believe that one can never have enough. Money Worshippers are more likely to have lower income, lower net worth and credit card debt. They are more likely to spend compulsively, hoard possessions and put work ahead of family. They may give money to others even though they can’t afford it or be financially dependent on others.

Money Status

Money Status Seekers see net worth and self worth as synonymous. They pretend to have more money than they do and as a result are at risk of overspending. They believe that if they live a virtuous life, the universe will take care of their financial needs. They tend to grow up in families with lower socioeconomic status. People with money status beliefs are more likely to be compulsive spenders or gamblers, be dependent on others financially and lie to their spouses about spending.

Money Vigilance

The Money Vigilant are alert, watchful and concerned about their financial welfare. They believe it is important to save and for people to work for their money and not be given handouts. They are less likely to buy on credit. They also have a tendency to be anxious and secretive about their financial status. While vigilance encourages saving and frugality, excessive wariness or anxiety could keep them from enjoying the benefits and sense of security that money can provide.

Last Cents

Take a few moments to review these categories. Gather your thoughts about your own personal beliefs and actions about money. Successful money management depends on your awareness of your core beliefs.

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Inspiration

Posted on December 1, 2012 by Mary Martin-Blair

We all need inspiration to lift us towards our goals, to make our endeavors fruitful and to bring our creative energies into sharp focus. However, inspiration often feels in short supply when we are overwhelmed by the exigencies of life. Discovering how to access this vital energy is possible, regardless of the daily demands we each face.

Photo by James Jordan

Origins

The word inspiration comes from the Latin verb inspirare, which means to breathe or blow into: the original concept was of a divine power whispering to us. The Greek Muses, nine goddesses that inspired art, literature and science, were said to influence and even possess devotees of their particular craft.

This idea of inspiration as a breathing into of creative energy is seen also in the Welsh word Awen which means inspiration. Like inspirare, the root word means to blow. In Welsh awenydd describes an inspired person like a poet, a musician, even a prophet. Inspiration is considered a valuable quality and the word awen is given a place of honor in the Welsh national anthem.

Paths to Inspiration

How to come alive through inspiration? Begin with the simple things in your life.

Daily Activities

Slowing down to pay attention to the components of your daily life is key to activating inspiration. Take a moment to see, smell and appreciate your meals, and eat with mindfulness and enjoyment.

Make sure to have good sleep habits, since restful sleep not only restores you physically, but allows you to process ideas and experiences through your dreams—another marvelous source of inspiration.

Nature

Walking in a natural setting like a park, wild preserve, or waterfront is another potential source of inspiration. The myriad happenings in nature (birds singing, insects buzzing, wind whistling through trees, water lapping against the shore) anchor your awareness and make you more available to the advent of inspiration.

Strengthen your meditation practice by sitting in a natural environment, such as a quiet spot in your garden. In his book Catching the Big Fish, film director David Lynch speaks of the profound influence his meditative practice has had on his ability to be inspired.

Poetry, Film, Literature

Current research has discovered that our brains aren’t very good at distinguishing between what we actually experience and what we imagine. This fact is helpful when it comes to activating inspiration because we can use any number of imaginative paths.

Poems, stories and movies are time-honored ways to become inspired. Authors, poets, actors, directors, and cinematographers all endeavor to bring their unique vision to you. That vision can trigger your own inspirational process. Keep at hand the works that have caused you to think in new and different ways, and constantly seek out new books, movies, and other literary works of art.

Music and Art

Deeply moving art and captivating music are wonderful avenues for inspiration. Scientific research tells us that music has many benefits: it is an effective therapy for pain, reduces blood pressure, improves memory, increases immunity, improves productivity, and aids in relaxation. Listening to your favorite music can jump start your inspiration. Fill your iPod!

Art has had the time honored role of a fountain head of inspiration. Art in this context includes everything: realistic and abstract, modern and historic, two-dimensional and three-dimensional, digital and textile, metalwork and woodwork, performance art and industrial design. Make a vision board: gather images of art that moves you and arrange it on a board. Display the board in a place where you can enjoy it daily. You may be surprised by how inspired you feel.

Photography

With the advent of smartphones, many of us have a camera at our fingertips. Taking pictures is a great way to get inspired. Take a photo of anything that catches your fancy. Experiment with various photo filters (e.g. Instagram, Hipstamatic). Send yourself a photo a day.

Automatic Writing

This is a technique that includes non dominant hand writing. In essence, you allow yourself to write whatever comes to mind. By not controlling the writing you create an opportunity for inspiration to enter your awareness. Simply begin by clearing your mind, then start to write on paper as quickly as you can. No real attention is to be paid in the moment to what you are writing, the idea is to just get a flow going. If you come to a halt, move down the page a bit and begin again.

Photo by Dave King

Photo by Dave King

Once you have arrived at the end, or you feel you have completed the session, take a moment to bring yourself back to the present. You can gather these pages up and put them away for later review or you can read them immediately. Automatic writing can give you a burst of inspiration because the material is fresh and new to your conscious mind.

Final Thoughts

Some poets speak of inspiration as an energy that is alive in each of us but often remains asleep. Dedicate yourself to awakening your inspiration!

Can you taste what i am saying?
It is onions or potatoes, or a pinch of simple salt,
the wealth of melted butter,
it is obvious, it stays in the back of your throat
like a truth you never uttered
because the time was always wrong…

Philip Levine, Poet Laureate

Further Reading

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Channeling

Posted on October 10, 2012 by Mary Martin-Blair

We know not the mysterious…
Things of God but as they have been channel’d
to us by God Himself in divine
Revelation

R. Carpenter, 1657

 

Moving Between The Worlds

Channeling in the realm of the spiritual is held as the process by which information is passed from the invisible world to the visible world. A channel can be seen as a conduit: a metaphysical pipe or a canal that transports knowledge, much like a physical pipe transports water.

Channeling Throughout History

Channeling is an age-old phenomenon, stretching back through recorded history. The oracle at Delphi, six centuries before the birth of Christ, was a channeling center of high repute. Parts of the Bible itself are ‘revealed’, that is, God’s word was told directly to man. The Ten Commandments are a good example of channeled information. Even music has been channeled: Guiseppi Tartini’s “Sonata in D for Violin” named the “The Devil’s Sonata” because Tartini dreamed that the devil played this piece for him.

Types

Channeling takes one of two forms: trance or conscious. In trance channeling, the person acting as the channel enters a state of deep meditation and appears to lose consciousness. Another ‘source’ enters. Often the channel will show distinct signs of change: their voice might change timber, inflection, even develop an distinctive accent. Vocabulary, and body language may also show distinct changes.

Trance channeling is observable in the Nechung, the State Oracle of Tibet, as well as various shamanic practices and the religions of Candomble, Voodoo, Kardecism and Umbanda.

Conscious channeling is activated by a similar meditative effort but the person channeling maintains his/her consciousness and simply ‘connects to the energy source’ being channeled. There is no real change in the channel’s body language, vocabulary or voice.

The Present

Conscious channeling is a more modern version and is seen in Edgar Cayce’s work as a healer from afar, Seth speaks, The Michael Connection, and the Course in Miracles.

Contemporary artists, film makers and writers have begun to use the word ‘channel’ to describe a particular form of artistic expression in which they sense that the material they are creating is flowing through them without much effort, giving rise to a feeling of being guided and/or in an altered state described as “Flow” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his popular book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.

Personal Application

How does channeling apply to the ordinary person? Channeling, in metaphysical circles, is seen as an available option for any interested and prepared participant. Learning to access information from either (depending on your own personal interpretation) the external Divine Source and/or from an internal Wisdom, affords valuable guidance. Rest assured, mentally healthy people can and do utilize channeling to enhance and deepen their commitment to creativity and true expression. The following suggestions are for the purpose of enhancing one’s own inner connection to Source. (Channeling for the public is beyond the scope of this post.)

Routes

  • Meditation is an excellent first step. In devoting time to developing a strong meditation practice the mind is trained to become calm, quiet and receptive.
  • Prayer, journaling and inner work (psychotherapy) map the route to the invisible world. Jung spoke of this repeatedly in his seminal works on psychology and spirituality.
  • Reading widely so that one’s vocabulary is enriched is helpful in so far as being able to express the channeled material is dependent on one’s own scope of language.
  • Another recommendation is to utilize various doorways to the invisible world. These include: Tarot cards, I Ching, Runes, even the well known Ouija Board which has been part of our culture since the late 1800s. There is a mobile version of the I Ching, Yi Jing (by Flat Earth Studio,) available through iTunes. The metaphysical belief is that the accuracy of the channeled material depends largely on the individual, not the methods used, so feel free to pick whatever modality appeals most to you.
  • Taking courses in, or reading about, intuition and the development of psychic skills is another option.
  • Working with a trusted partner, consultant or therapist is advantageous since it provides an opportunity to both share new channeling experiences and receive support and guidance as the process continues to unfold.

Finally, keeping an attitude of open heartedness and love ensures that the real gift of channeling is recognized and appreciated fully.

If I speak with the tongues of men and angles, but have not love, I am become sounding brass or a clanging gong. And if I have the gift of prophesy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

I Corinthians, 13:1-2

Further Reading

The I Ching or Book of Changes by Richard Wilheim

The Book of Runes: A Handbook for the Use of an Ancient Oracle: The Viking Runes with Stones by Ralph H. Blum

A Course in Miracles by Foundation for Inner Peace

The Essential Edgar Casey by Edgar Casey

The Michael Handbook: A Channeled System for Self Understanding by Jose Stevens

Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul by Jane Roberts

 

Posted in Mysticism | Leave a comment

The Magic of Clarity

Posted on October 9, 2012 by Mary Martin-Blair

For the secret of a man’s being is not only to live but to have something to live for.

Dostoyevsky

Photo by Helga Birna Jónasdóttir

The beginning of a new year is a wonderful opportunity to welcome the magic of clarity into your life.

What motivates you? What principles do you live by? What values are central to your life? The answers to these questions will shape and form the year ahead.

As with any good spell, the achievement of clarity requires focus and dedication. What better time than now, at the cusp of the New Year to pull away from the often frantic demands of daily life. Take a moment to slow down, pause, and reflect.

A Visit With Clarity

In The Book of Qualities, writer J. Ruth Gendler paints an evocative and colorful image of clarity:

My visits to Clarity are soothing now. He never tells me what to think or feel or do but shows me how to find out what I need to know.

It was not always like this. I used to visit other people who visited him. Finally, I summoned the courage to call on him myself. I still remember the first time I went to see him.

Was I surprised.

He lives on a hill in a little house surrounded by wild roses. I went in the living room and sat down in a comfortable chair by the fireplace. There were topological maps on the walls, and the room was full of stuff, musical instruments and telescopes and globes, geodes and crystals and old Italian Tarot decks, two small cats.

When I left, he presented me with a sketchbook and told me to draw the same thing every day until the drawing started to speak to me.

Finding Your Personal Clarity

Beginning your own journey to meet clarity, take a few blank pieces of paper and, drawing upon your life experiences, write down the answers to these questions:

  • When were you at your creative best? These may have been times when you created something (an event, product, artwork—even an ephemeral shift in another’s mood.)
  • When were you totally committed? These would be times when you were deeply involved, emotionally steadfast and filled with determination.
  • When did you know exactly what to do? Recall times when you were decisive, deliberate and confident (possibly even in the face of opposition).
  • When you were so absorbed in your undertaking that time become nonexistent?
  • What would you consider to be your greatest achievement or accomplishment?
  • What is the most exciting thing you have done?
  • When have you taken the strongest stand in your life? What were you committed to?
  • What has been the most important lesson you have learned in your life? Why?

Review your answers. Pay special attention to any recurring patterns or themes. Now, with these in mind, can you better answer the opening questions:

  • What motivates you?
  • What principles do you live by?
  • What values are central to your life?

This is your clarity, your mission statement, your life’s purpose.

Shape it into a few succinct sentences. Display it in a special place in your home. Re-read it frequently. Let it become the magic that creates the year ahead. With focus and dedication your daily life will reflect your clarity, bringing success and joy.

It is the primary point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is.

Desiderius Erasmus

Further Reading

The Book of Qualities by J. Ruth Gendler

Posted in New Beginnings | Leave a comment

Dog Days of Summer

Posted on September 1, 2012 by Mary Martin-Blair

These languid, sultry summer days were first labeled “dog days” by the Greeks. The ancient belief was that when the “Dog Star”, Sirius, the brightest star in the Canis Major constellation rose at the same time as sunrise, hot weather was guaranteed. This was seen as a time of turmoil, when things went awry: dogs went mad, food spoiled, floods occurred, and disease spread.

Shakespeare references this singular time of the year in Henry VIII, “The dog days now reign” and in Romeo and Juliet, “For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.”.

In Ayurveda (an ancient Hindu medicinal practice) summer is the season of fire, or pitta.

Pitta is a fast moving, transformational element that oversees digestion, metabolism and energy. It guides our biochemical reactions. It is important, when the days become long and hot, to pay attention to pitta and not create imbalance by aggravating the fire element.

Here are some easy-to-use tips for keeping pitta in balance.

Diet

Choose cooling foods. Cooling foods include milk, ice cream and butter. Check that the product is free from added hormones. Avoid or limit yogurt, cheese, miso, tempeh and alcohol (these fermented foods are aggravating to pitta). Coffee is an acidic beverage that increases pitta, so limit your intake or add a good quantity of milk.

Sweet foods (such as grains, potatoes, yams, and carrots) are also cooling. Avoid sour foods (vinegar, pickles) and acidic fruits (tomatoes, oranges, grapefruit, pineapple). Bitter (dark leafy greens) and astringent (legumes, cranberries, walnuts, and rhubarb) foods are helpful.

Avoid chili peppers and cayenne pepper. No need to increase your fire during the blazing summer days, and hot foods can lead to an even greater imbalance, e.g. when we grab an icy cold drink like beer to quell the spicy kick.

Remember to drink liquids (not too much, around 6-8 cups a day) at room temperature. The tendency is to go for the cold but that just unbalances the digestion.

This might be the time to consider trying out a vegetarian or vegan diet since meat is considered both heavy and acidic.

Exercise

The best time to exercise during these dog days is early in the morning. Flowing, balancing activities like restorative Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qi Gong performed outside with bare feet on soft grass are very nourishing. Avoid doing physical work or exercise in the midday sun. Also, be attentive to staying out of windy, blustery areas.

Home

It is a good idea to make sure clothing and bed linen are light and fresh. Changing out dark fabrics for lighter ones, heavy rugs for brighter, and switching incandescent bulbs for fluorescent (whiter light) can be wonderful, simple ways to insure a calmer time during the hot days.

Adding some water features to your home often helps achieve balance. Try getting a desk top fountain or a lovely translucent glass bowl in a watery hue like aqua or sea green.

Fresh flowers and well-maintained houseplants can contribute reviving energy to your home or office.

De-cluttering is very beneficial. Removing, old, worn, or unused items from your environment will lift your spirits and contributes to a free-flowing Qi.

Qi or chi is held by the Chinese to be life force or life energy; the literal translation of Qi is breath. It is important to keep Qi moving, free-flowing. Stagnant Qi creates blockages and, for example, in the body stagnant Qi can be seen as pain, stiffness, or other imbalances.

And don’t forget to open your windows and doors in the morning and evening to move the air. Like the energy in our bodies, the air in our homes can get stagnant too. Move your home’s Qi.

Mind/Spirit

Remember to take time to meditate, listen to soothing music. Gently dedicate yourself daily to cultivating patience, and an even temper.

Give yourself a simple self-massage with olive, sunflower, safflower or coconut oil. Or visit a massage therapist. Remember, the energy of the practitioner is an important part of the experience, so make sure you chose someone who is calm, peaceful and unruffled.

Dō-in is a practice of self massage that incorporates meridian stretching and breathing techniques. Michio Kushi, the macrobiotic author and teacher, wrote an excellent book called The Dō-In Way that explains this gentle exercise.

Anger and criticism, both self-directed and towards others, sarcastic humor, and a demanding, overly judgmental attitude are all unbalancing choices.

Don’t overwork yourself. Make sure you have leisure time, and keep the concept of life/work balance in mind.

In these simple ways you will make sure your “dog days of summer” are fun, easy and enjoyable.

Further Reading

Posted in Health | Leave a comment